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(March 21-April 19)

O’kay. Let’s not pull any punches here. Let’s be brutally honest. Whitney Houston is an Aries. Chaka Khan is an Aries. Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross, Celine Dion and Rosie O’Donnell all share your sign. Why are you all such loud mouths? Really. You need to sit down and shut up. Have you ever thought that maybe your friends don’t want your advice? Dammit! It must be all that Martian shit. Just relax. It’s all good. Everything is A O’kay. So what if your peeps don’t like who you’re sleeping with. So what if your addictions interfere with your ability to function in society. Don’t trip. It’s all good. Get wasted at least twice this week on your drug of choice. Alcohol included. Punch a hole in the bedroom wall during sex. That should freak your partner out right? You’re doin’ it, you’re going at it, sexing’ and lovin’ -- then baaaam! You karate a hole into the wall right above the bed post. Trust the stars, Mars. Be courageous.